holiday depression

december should be the most awaited and anticipated time of the year, this is the part of the year when almost all people celebrate their vacations, shopping, and never ending parties.
but from the different side of my brain, it is the start of several weeks of stress and lack of sleep, holiday rush etc.
its has been more than a decade when i started to realize i havent enjoying the season as much as other people do.

well honestly, im just giving an excuse why i didnt write so frequently.
=)

christmas is the season to rejoice, but right now the entire celebration has already become commercialized that all of us has forgotten the true meaning of the most wonderful time of the year

i still have not seen twilight!

well, in the big screen that is.
someone bought me a copy in dvd, well sad to say i have not been satisfied with the film version like all the rest of the population that read the entire four books.
nobody i surveyed said that the movie has met their expectations, but right now i still kinda feel the urge to watch it on the big screen to experience the "real" thing.

jessicarulestheuniverse.com

.............."In Edge, Christopher Badcock expounds on the Imprinted Brain Theory, which aims to sort out contradictions in explaining mental illness. The essay includes this helpful chart comparing hypo-mentalistic (autism) and hyper-mentalistic (psychosis) disorders. (I strongly advise that hypochondriacs stop reading this NOW.)

Autism/Asperger’s syndrome Psychosis/Paranoid schizophrenia
gaze-monitoring deficits delusions of being watched/spied on
apparent deafness/insensitivity to voices hallucination of and hyper-sensitivity to voices
deficits in interpreting others’ intentions erotomania/delusions of persecution
deficits in appreciating shared-attention/groups delusions of conspiracy
theory of mind deficits magical ideation/delusions of reference
deficit in sense of personal agency/episodic memory megalomania/delusions of grandeur
literalness/inability to deceive delusional self-deception
pathological single-mindedness pathological ambivalence
early onset late onset " ...................

from jessica zafra's blog


i love it!
my blog name is really the twisted version of the actual sickness 'paranoid schizophrenia'
talk about real psychosis

why do we need to log in as invisible in ym?

:)
whatever!

what happened to the twilight opening?

i thought its on the 21st/22nd?
my teamate said only globe platinum cinema in gateway will have that exclusive premiere, gosh! im really really anxious to see cedric diggory transformed to edward cullen.

i just went to the doctor

its supposed to be a primary care physician, family medicine, i like them just because they tolerate your malingering but the sad part is i forgot to ask for the medical certificate, which will make my illness very simple to explain.
the dumb part of my brain that time asked for any other preventative care they have covered by my card, needless to say, i spent hours of idle time in front of their sony bravia television which has a very poor signal, making it looks like any other ordinary tv.
i hate influenza and colds combined!
i smell termination.

happy birthday jerome

i couldnt say anything else but thank you for enduring me at your quarterlife crisis and more than half of the decade for the existence of what we have.
i love you more than anyone else in the world.

i just read the first book twilight

Special thanks to my team mate mike, who lent me the book and awakened my obsession. he has the second book which I am borrowing the moment he finish. I just hope its before the semester starts or it'll get stacked by the new law books he's going to prioritize. :) being anxious about the upcoming movie is an understatement :)

Hope you all know who you are

When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,

and then I started to become a woman.


And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you’re going through things with your man.

Another friend is needed when you’re going through things with your mom.

Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.

One friend will say, "Let’s cry together,"

another, "Let’s fight together,"
another, "Let’s walk away together."

One friend will meet your spiritual need,

another your shoe fetish,
another your love for movies,
another will be with you in your season of confusion,
another will be your clarifier,
another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,
on whatever the occasion,
on whatever the day,
or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself …
those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one person...
but for many,
it’s wrapped up in several…
one from 7th grade,
one from high school,
several from the college years,
a couple from old jobs,
on some days your mother or father
on some days your neighbour,
on others, your sisters or your brothers
and on some days, your daughters or sons. And some days your sisters or brothers-in-law.

So whether they’ve been there 20 minutes or 20 years, it's now the time to thank them

happy birthday godfrey!

my bitch sibling and one third of the bitch sibling trio
i would like to express my appreciation to you for just about everything.
you have always been my "confidante" ever since i knew you and i wish it will always be that way until the end of time.
you are also my co-blog writer and the reason for this blog's existence.
age gracefully just like me :)
i love you

i got the pics!

thanks godfrey!
alavet
:)

sept birthday celebrants

me - sept 17
godfrey - sept 28

sept 17

the day when they start to count a hundred days before christmas
its supposed to be my day but im not feeling good
here we go again, im emo! hahahaha! :)
only a birthday leave can make me happy
:)

BFF... a reply...

Yes we are the sibling bitches. Dare not mess with us 'coz we'll be cursing you even in our sleep. For Ash if you did something wrong your'e dead out, take your candle home and shove it in your ass. For Abi it's like a boiling water in a kettle, don't dare get near or you'll get heaped by the steam. For me I'm a calm water. I see the goodness in everybody. I can't remember the last time I were in a fight. I try to weigh thing first but with Abi I learned that you can't have everybody as your friend, create an enemy. So to you ANYA if you got a problem with Abi say it to her face. I'm not really a bitch but I can sense a real bitch in you. Wer'e definitely not bothered or threathened but thinking about it you have no respect. haha. I just wish I could do it realtime for Abi.

When you start to lose your patience
And you start to feel the emptiness
I am here
I’ll be here, you can cry on my shoulder
I’ll be here to help you see things through
I’ll be here when there’s no one else to turn to
When things go wrong
Cause sometimes they do
I’ll be here for you

I know it's corny but it's true!

BFF

Godfrey, Abby and Ashlee
Let's Bitch around! Were going to Thailand this coming christmas remember?

(you better not forget!)

.

life without my two sibling bitches

its official: the three sibling bitches who used to conquer call floors will be working in three separate companies.

some of the things that im gonna miss:
1. being impulsive - yes, as in impulse eating to any doughnut store our eyes can ever stare madly at.
be it dunkin', hot loops, go nuts, and i mean anytime and anywhere.
2. bitching - one of the crafts i can say we are best at
round one: ash vs godfrey
round two: me vs godfrey
round three: ash and me vs godfrey
round four: all of us vs. a victim
round five: ash vs. god vs. me vs. the mic
which leads to : .......
3. impulsive timezone - different battle rounds til you puke singing
4. mall adventures
5. endless gossiping
6. toilet humor - even while eating ( godfrey and i will be awarded by ash because of not stopping
ash: cant you stop it? my gosh, we are eating
me and god: continues as if nothing happened)
7. taking pics of ourselves in a very unlikely way


i miss you guys
very bad, really.
:)

happy birthday ash!

i just cant leave and look at the blog without saying thank you and happy happy birthday ash!
you just dont know how much i do appreciate you and everything that youve done for me.
you are the mentor of this blogsite and the reason for existence.
i love you
abby

Talking

Guarded and angry I have to say that I look back on the last few months of my life and cannot believe the amount of adversity that I have pushed through. No, this is not me hugging myself and giving myself a huge pat on the back. This is me looking back on my life for the past 18 months and watching it like it is a bad horror flick and being really fucking proud that I seem to be coming out of the other side, someone whole.

In tough times we shrink. Both internally and externally. Our shoulders cave in. Our heart slows. Our minds race. Our life chugs... My shoulders have been concave. My heart almost dead. My soul vacant.

And during this time I am certain that I have been one of the bad bitches. The nasty ones. Only because it was how I was feeling on the inside. Lost. Stolen. Pissed. Cheated. Torn.

But... in writing this blog I reminded myself that I, nor you, or any woman should go down easy. Without a fight. That life is not about joy and pleasure all the time and the tough times have to be taken on with courage. This I have learned by watching the grace in other women who have faced so much more adversity than I. It just shows us how tough we can really be. Not tough like bad ass (unless of course that is what you aspire to be which is great) but tough in knowing that even when the horse is down and being kicked that she ain't given' in or up.

This horse has been down. This BITCH has been down. But I have my bitch armor and my gear. My lips are painted. My heart is filling and I have courage to turn over the page on tomorrow.

you know you love me,

abby

its fun to be in AP mode when everybodys enjoying

What exactly is AP? according to my friend Jan Ashley Franco, its an acronym for (read:) attitude problem, the term mostly associated with celebrities.

I am not exactly prepared on what i actually experienced the night before going to the place, and was already pretty much cooking the mood for a typical house party.

Two of my officemates are already waiting for me in a fastfood chain near the place, and were madly texting and calling me telling me to hurry the hell up. While in the fx, i noticed that the guy sitting next to me has something hard and made of metal in his bag.Insticts told me its a gun, so my sympathetic nervous system immediately took charge. Although i was able to calmly tell the driver to stop so i could get out, i really feared the idea that he might figure out i felt the content of his bag. I made a fake loud thinking that i should take the lrt because im late. Luckily,
i was able to spot a cab immediately and dashed to my officemates.I killed their ranting when i told what happened.

The idea of being nabbed in a closed vehicle like fx really annoyed me. I have not told of anyone except the two of them.They are the only two persons that can understand what is the rationale of my anti social behavior during that night.

I honestly started enjoying after most people left and most are tipsy. I really didnt get to drink-till-i-puke/tipsy but hey, i managed to guzzle everything they offered me.

I dont owe everybody an explanation of my every single behavior, but i guess i showed them a different side that they could remember.

I want to make a disclaimer on the phone video someone took when i am already trying to invoke the storm by singing nastily: i am not drunk at all!

you know you love me,

Abby

appreciation to the last writer

Monday afternoon. i was watching the hilarious ice skating moves of Will Farrel in his movie Blades of Glory on HBO when suddenly i got a message commanding me to get my ass out of the house and go online - pronto!

Honestly, i wasnt suprised to see what happened on this blogsite as I again entrusted my password to another friend.

Their primary idea of this blogsite is to transform this into a picture gallery, and post all pics from the phones.

Well, I dont really know when will that materialize.

Let me tell you something about the last writer.
He has his own blogsite, I'm Under Construction. Whatever that means, im not quite sure as of the moment if he feels that he is still being completed as a human being or hes having a mid-life crisis just like me.

I have known him for less than a year, through my officemate in the company im with last feb of this year. We went to another company and thats when i met him.
We actually became instant friends, and our trio, as far as im concerned is the most popular in the training room, all our co-trainess were pretty much very intruiged of our relationship that it took them almost a month, for most to understand and some even actually never understood us.
We were bonded by cigarrette breaks, lunch breaks, dashing to the bank breaks, downtimes, breakfast, malling, etc.

I can say that we really share a lot in common, and we literally shared a lot as well.
The trio has been formidable during training, that even we were separated by the trainer, we can still look in each others eye every now and then and understand every look's meaning.
During those times i can also say that we have already surpassed the getting to know each other stage, and we were already comfortable with each other, bitching with each other, private jokes, bathroom jokes are all mostly on the same level. We even actually know our clan's dysfunctional information not worth telling everybody.

They are the persons who im not keeping a single secret ever, as they have already know all about me, and i figuratively (and literally? :)) have nothing to hide from them.
In the past 20 years of my life, i never found friends that kind who are frankly and brutally but sincerely honest, and gave me freedom to think, speak, and act what i want.
I can say that if im with them, im in absolute freedom.

Last June however, we got separated by some circumstances we didnt expected, and i was so mad about it, that im thinking that nothing is worthy of my toil and no company is worthy if im not with them. It took me several days to digest that i will not be in the same trio as i used to.

He's the only one with me right now, and hes planning to go somewhere else as well.
I cannot wish that he would not go because its a big opportunity that awaits him and its he's future and maybe his destiny to work what he had studied for.

Honestly right now, I cannot really imagine myself when that time comes.
There's no friend that can accomodate my sentiments, private jokes, and even my bitchness other than him.

He doesnt mind if i vent and rant all i want, even infront of the public. I remembered when he deleted my precious phone photo and i went mad ranting and shouting, some of my co-trainees are even looking at me and i dont care at all.

I would like to correct the text i sent him more than 2 weeks ago.
I didnt said "i resented your company"
what i said or mean was : "i resented that ash is not here because things could have been far different"
what im resenting is the situation, not your company.

I will never resent your company.

I never had a friend that i dont mind sharing everything as in literally everything i can ever think of - tangible of intangible.

I would like to let you know that your inputs on this blogsite are really appreciated.

i feel like going to a bar in cubao right now. haha! :)

xoox,

abby

Your Co-Writer Is Dead!/ Dreams

Yes he is, he's full of hate and revenge! haha. Anyways, who says I'm not interested? Of course I'm not! I was just forced by your malicious posting (as if I'm named, hehe). Well what the hell can I share, I was just thinking of promoting my own blogsite here but to make it more worthwhile I would like to entice you all with my two recent celebrity dreams, I won't even divulge this on my blogsite, or maybe only the safer, the more conservative one. It was a Friday when I dreamt of myself with Sam and Piolo. Yes, the both of them. Yup, naked. Your right, in bed. Classic 'perv', I know, but am I the one who controls what to dream? I 'dunno'. They say that dreams are your inner desires, could that be true? I have no fuckin' idea, I just know that when I dream it only means that I slept well, well that's me. The second dream happened just this morning, Sunday. It kinda started as a 'gay parade' where two gay clans fight for a certain territory in Lipa City, yup, there is a specific place. Then there's a place where a gays go that was decommissioned, all were sad but the 'going away cleaning' is fun and sexy. All males are soaping the place clean and squeeky just wearing briefs. Abby, I know you like this, but the problem is it's only a dream, I'm not even there. By the way, even the landlord of the place enjoyed the crotches of the gay/ bi-males (the landlord is Nova Villa). The third installment of the triple-feature is after the place was shut down, one of the gay characters went away. Another gay male and a mujer went on looking for him, and luckily they found him with a woman. He married that woman, he found someone who would love him and at the same time would give him a child. The other gay male was happy for him and yet devastated. He loved him, until now. With the mujer, they walked along the shoreline and felt the breeze. The gay male heard a 'congo' sound from a distant bar. The mujer immediately run to the scene and found a guy who is rugged and dirty. Apparently, the mujer knows him. He was making some clay-work of different colors. The 'girl' was talking to him but to no avail. The guy was kinda psychotic. He went to the trunk of a car and was looking for for something then the girl noticed an odd thing, he was wearing around five bras spread along his back. It was so weird that it most probably triggered me to wake up. REM is over, I am now awake. That psychotic guy was Pen Medina. I'm thinking now if I had watched a digital movie in this sense, in this light... Remembering the whole dream I even saw credits, like in films. Antonio Aquitania is one of the producers. How weird can it get. My own digital movie dream! Again, I don't know what it meant, it's a dream anyways, it couldn't possibly mean anything, right? Or am I dead wrong? Is it trying to tell me something? Well, that could be really confusing, I'm already having a hard time making my decisions with my heart and mind, now a sub-conscious 'thingy' wants to tell me something to further man my life.

sorry for the inconvenience

where the hell is my co-writer?
he is supposed to rant about someone, but i guess he had a change of heart, er well, i dont know, maybe a change in some other part of his body.
i dont know what hes been working on right now, but i guess hes quite busy with his studies, work, lovelife, his dog santi, etc.
well i guess i need to wait for the precious time that he will write on my blogsite.
by the way, i also invited a good friend to write on it if he wants and contribute some piece of his mind, and from the looks of his face as i gave the username and password, hes not interested.
i still dont get the hang of posting as frequently as possible, because i know i dont owe something to the public, or readers.
its raining hard for the last 3 days, i need a cup of coffee for the nth time.

i dont know but i really dont feel like writing right now, i just felt the urge to sign in and check for comments, now who the hell wants to visit a blogsite with no entry at all.
i supposed to have a co-writer by the name of jan ashley franco who has all the access to this blogspot, and supposed to edit this by all means, he actually insisted that he cant edit/ put all his ideas on this site because it will just like his personality.
talk about friendship and stuff like "birds of the same feather flocks together" things
we can entrust a blogsite to a good friend, right?
im pretty sure my personality is as close as he is.
so my friends, or anyone reading this, prepare for some changes and for my co-writer.
ill try to post some more next time.

mic test

greetings!
welcome to the first blog entry

i dont honestly know why i managed to write despite of my intellectual comatose and writers block (which my fave writer call it "brain constipation")